Former ‘RHOC’ star Meghan King Edmonds is speaking out after her husband Jim admitted to an affair. She says feels abandoned by his shocking betrayal and that she doesn’t trust him anymore.

Meghan King Edmonds is speaking out for the first time since news broke that her husband Jim, 48, had been exchanging lewd texts with another woman. The 34-year-old former Real Housewives of Orange County star says she found out at the same time as everyone else when AllAboutTheTea shared his steamy texts, causing the former MLB star to admit to Us Weekly on June 13 that he had a “lapse in judgment” but that he wasn’t physically intimate with the woman. “I found out the same way you guys did: in the tabloids. I never left a voicemail for the other woman. I called Jimmy and he confessed to me that he had exchanged lewd photos with this woman over the course of several months and a physical relationship never existed. He paid her off to protect me so I’d never find out,” she wrote in a blog post on June 14.

“Do I believe him? I don’t know. Because I don’t trust him anymore. Physical or not, he still had an affair and he admits this to me,” she continues. “I’m a simple girl. I wanted a solid marriage. I’m as loyal as they come and I wanted the vows we made when we exchanged our rings to be acted upon. Now my wedding ring symbolizes fraud.” The couple wed in 2014 and have three children, two-year-old daughter Aspen and one-year-old twins Hayes and Hart.

“I did nothing wrong, I don’t deserve this. I did nothing except be pregnant with our twins and try to have a healthy pregnancy. So what is so broken in him to propel him to do this to me? To us? It wasn’t one mistake, one lapse in judgement. I saw the texts – each one represents his decision to throw our marriage in the trash. Why did he self-sabotage? And who sends nudies? Doesn’t everyone know better than this in 2019? What drives someone to self-destruct in such a way?” Meghan asks.

While Meghan is devastated, she’s also blindsided. “I love him.  How can I turn my feelings around so quickly? How can one person decide to utterly ruin me? It’s not fair. I sob so much my face stings from the salt from my tears. I am exhausted. My poor kids aren’t getting their devoted mother. And it’s only been 36 hours,” she writes.

“I feel sad. Oh, do I feel so sad! I feel abandoned. Lonely. My best friend, my number one person has lied to me. Who is he? Do I even know?” she asks. Then Meghan poses the ultimate question, “In the days of digital media what are we if we don’t have our reputation? Every job is dependent upon an unsoiled reputation. What was he thinking?”

Even though Meghan is feeling hurt and betrayed, she’s hoping that she can find a way out of the pain to save their marriage. “I am a victim, but I am not defined by this. I need space to heal,” she writes, adding “Ultimately, I have hope our marriage can recover.” She ended by writing, “Marriage is a choice, every. damn. day….marriage is a choice on the bad days. And on the good days marriage is easy and beautiful. No one said it would be easy, I just didn’t think it would be this hard.”

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